Which wolf will you be feeding today? The fear wolf or the courage wolf?
Hi there. So today I wanted to share with you my notes, basically what I took away from a call that we did today. I'm part of optimize coach and one of the calls that we did today on our luminary calls is a call with Mark Divine.
Mark Devine is a former Navy seal. And, he has written, "Unbeatable mind". "The way of the seal", and "staring down the Wolf". And, it's funny because my boyfriend, a few years ago, I remember him saying to me, there's the white wolf and the black wolf. And I guess he had read this and now I'm learning more about it. It's so totally true.
You have the wolf that he calls the courage wolf. The wolf that is strong is powerful, dominant, knows what it's doing, and it's leading the pack. It's like the alpha. Right? And then you have, I guess the beta wolf, or the dark wolf, the fear wolf says, you can't do it. You can't get it done.
What I found that was interesting in his talk today was he said that, we have 5 times as many negatives, naturally, then we have positives. So that just starting as a baseline, we're already behind.
So he said that at the highest level of human development, you can turn the negatives off and I was like, "Hey, I want to do that!" I totally want to turn those negatives off and I want to help you. That's one of the reasons that I'm creating EntireTask and why I'm sharing this stuff with you. He says that you can work on it and you can overcome it through practice.
Like me, he believes in creating your world. Funny that, because I have the Entire Life Summit coming up in May and that's exactly what it's about. I am interviewing 21 entrepreneurs to learn what helps them get clarity, what give them their power and what makes them follow through every day.
He says that all of us really start at the base of where our parents were. So however evolved our parents were, is kind of like our baseline, right? And so we can either choose to stay there, or we can choose to move forward and you know, create ourselves and create our lives. Or we can have that, five times as negative influence and just say, Oh, I can't do it because of this excuse or that excuse or this environment or you know, so many different things. What's so encouraging about him, he's a Navy seal. He's one of those people who make shit happen. And so that, that was really cool.
One of the other things that I really liked, I've been following Ken Wilbur for a long time too. And, he is one of his mentors as well. Ken Wilber talks about working up to the bigger story of your life, right? Through meditation, concentration, and mindfulness. And, you know, you really have to decide. That you're going to take control of your life, otherwise other people are going to decide it for you.
I come from a family of pioneers as entrepreneurs, you take control of the situation. And you make it happen, and that's how you create your life. You just don't let it be created for you. You have to decide.
Mark was talking about his unbeatable mind program and reintegration. This is why I named my summit the Entire Life Summit? Because really, we've been taught to kind of like, separate ourselves, you know, we've got mind, we've got a body, we've got an intellect, and we've got, an emotional life, a spiritual life, and, and it's our work life and it's all separate. We want it to be more integrated so that we can live a full life, an integrated life. He said, you want to be a whole person. That's exactly what I want. I want to be a whole person and I want you to be a whole person too.
So, he talked to us about a tool that he uses, and I, definitely suggest you look up Mark Divine on YouTube. I know that he's got some box breathing meditations there. He said that's a main tool that they use.
Basically what they do is they use that to calm the body down. Because we all have stress in our life, right? And so sometimes you just don't even realize that you're holding stress up in your body. I started going to the chiropractor recently, and, oh, wow, what a difference. I can tell you it's a real difference when you start to take care of yourself and you realize, just by having people lay their hands on you and how much stress you've had, like stuck inside your body. So do massages, chiropractic, whatever, to help you to calm the body down.
He says you can't get a point of focus and concentration until you get the body calmed down. That's step number one, getting the body calmed down. Before you can go into this next stage, which is the focus, and then basically witnessing your thoughts and that goes way back to the Eastern traditions is just watching the thoughts that are running through your mind. The first part is emptying, emptying the body, getting the stress levels down, and then focusing and witnessing. That was really powerful. I really liked that.
A guy came on the call with us today. He was an EMT and he was talking about how do you train for violent situations? And I thought, "Oh, this is a good question to ask a Navy seal."
He recommend training for violence before you need it. That's so totally true. I think maybe we, we don't do that enough in this Western environment. Over in the East we have martial arts and things like that where we learn to take care of ourselves, self-defense. I used to do Aikido in London, maybe I should do that again, maybe I'll take that up again.
He says you should train for violence before it happens in even, in the situation where you don't think that you'll have a violent thing happen. He was talking in the context of an EMT because at some point in time, he's going to be in a violent situation, even though he's a medical worker. He kind of has to say, you can't really say in the moment, "Hey, I'm a medical worker. Don't shoot me. Right?" It's just, you're in that moment. You have to be prepared for it. So I thought that that was really good.
The other thing I found really interesting was that he says that PTSD actually starts before you get into military service. So in other words, you've already got issues going in. And then you go into the service and then all it does really is just totally magnify the issues that you already have. This kind of all comes back to his book, you know, you want to start overcoming your fears and start dealing with that now. He mentions you should do the work before you hit a midlife crisis. So start dealing with the issues that may come up, start preparing for the future.
We really do need to start preparing for the future in this climate of coronavirus pandemic, right? Things may get violent, things may get, really confrontational and you know, we haven't even seen it over here yet. I'm here in Solana beach, California. Where life is pretty darn good. I gotta tell you. but the thing is, I have traveled the world and I do know what life is like.
A couple of years ago I went up to Canada. Where I'm originally from, and I still own a part of our family home back in Fairmont Hot Springs. I spent two months up there in the middle of winter by myself in a big, huge five bedroom home. And, you know, I really didn't realize how grateful I was for my life in California. Until I went back to Canada. And I realize now, that I know why Canadians are so polite.
One of the reasons is because we realize how hard life actually is. I mean, I remember breathing in and the ice of the cold air in my lungs and feeling kind of like a rattling in my lungs. It was so freaking cold. And I'm like, "Oh my God, I've been gone from this for so long, I've forgotten just how freaking cold it is up here". Being older now too, now I'm 51. and you know, it's like, I now realize why people move to Phoenix, because that's a really hard life. Canadians are nice to other Canadians and other people in general because they realize life can be hard. If we think that life is going to be easy, we're gonna have a hard time.
So really what it kind of comes back to, what he was talking about is pre-resilience. Get yourself prepared to be resilient in life because things aren't always going to be pretty. Things aren't always going to be good. Business isn't always going to be great. There are gonna be times when it's going to be really fricken difficult. So get yourself ready. I really love that.
He shared the creed of the teams, "Courage, trust, respect, growth, resiliency, and alignment." That's what you need in order to have a really good team. They were talking about SEAL teams, but in any sort of a team, that's what you need. Courage, trust, respect, growth, resiliency and alignment, just beautiful.
In order to be pre-resilient, what you need to do is you need to move away from the things that feel good. I remember, back when I was a teenager. That's exactly the time when things feel good and you want to do those things that feel good. BUT are they actually moving you forward in the world? There's a point where we need to kind of grow up and sometimes even grownups don't grow up. So we need to move away from the things that feel good and start to face the things that will help us to grow.
Focus on the things that keep you stuck and go straight at them. Don't, don't shy away from them. He talks about loss of reputation. Oh my God, that came up for me. Well, many of you know, watching this may or may not know, but I've been in the technology world for 18 years now. My business has kind of re-vigored itself, quite a few different times in different, environments, different branding. I was Xgenius and then I was Macangel, and then I was PodioAngel, and then I was GrowthSwell and now EntireTask. And there's this fear that comes up for me right, in am I ready to let go of being the technologist? I don't know this whole, you know, side, of like growth and human performance, even though I'd been a coach for four years, this is still coming up for me. (It's called imposter syndrome)
Now, finally, last year, my coaching practice income surpassed my regular marketing agency/technology income. It was actually through Brian Johnson's coaching program that I'm in, Optimize Coach, that it came up for me. What can you do, that nobody else can do? It hit me like a brick.
So what I'm doing that nobody else can do is I'm creating EntireTask because I have a way of dealing with my tasks that is unique. That keeps that technical part of me alive and really excited. I get to keep that technical side of me, the one that says that I have to have all the certifications and I have to know the technicalities behind everything. It's also about building a better life, I get to now, incorporate this coaching and everything into it, which is really, really cool. Believe me, that definitely comes up and so I am stepping straight into it.
I'm shutting down my marketing agency and going full force with coaching and creating EntireTask and that is really frightening for me. So I am taking my stand. He says, take your stand around the things that are important to you. I actually just had to do that this morning with Michael, my boyfriend. He called me up and he's like, hey, you know, I know that you're working on this new thing, but I have somebody who, might need some help in the technical area. I said, "You know, I have this summit coming up. I'm in three coaching programs right now.", and I'm like, "Babe, I just. I can't do it right now. I really need to focus. I need to take a stand and I need to go forward with this". That felt really good, I was stoked about that.
One of the things that Mark said in his talk today was confidence comes from competence, and that's absolutely 100% true for me. That's why I get all of these technical certifications and everything because I want to know, I KNOW what I'm talking about. That's really important to me. I want to be able to talk from authority rather than just from, you know, whatever. So that's important for me. Stare down that wolf and yeah, I know it's hard. Right?
Here's one of the things that was really cool. He said, learn to fear, regret worse than the fear of doing it. Brian Johnson does an exercise called "the Eulogy exercise, begin with the ultimate end in mind". Where you think about yourself at the end of your life, and, the best version of you walks in the room, the version of you that is perfect, that did everything right and how does that feel? I mean, Oh. Even right now. That's like bringing up emotions for me. Right? Oh, I think about that because I mean, I know there are times when I can be super, super powerful and there are other times when I hide like a little girl. So yeah. Yeah. I just think about that. Think about, do you want to have the regret of not being who you could be versus who you are. Who you can become, right? Oh goodness. So that was it. You want to, you want to commit to standing your ground and learn to fear regret worse than the fear of doing it. Great. Great thing.
So this is the last thing that I'll take away for this, which I thought was really good too. And the last thing was you want to take these internal practices that you do and share them with the world, right? That's how you"become the change". You don't just become the change. You be the change. That's how you do it, is you take these things that you're working on, things that work for you, and you share them with other people. That's exactly what we do as coaches, We share what we learn and share that with you. So that you can become better and we can all become better.
I mean, I would much rather be in the room with the best version of you than be in the room with the worst version of you. Right? And so if we really think about that, who would you rather be with? Would you rather be with the people who are not the best version of themselves? Like, so think about here. I just recently watched Containment on Netflix in that case, the virus was like 100% mortality rate. People were doing some really bad things to each other and, and they're totally in the fear. The fear wolves were running the show in that, but there was a core group of people. Being the best versions of themselves. And that was really cool. That's what I love to see. So think about this, that in this time, are we going to be the fear version of ourselves where we're a drag and we're a drain on society, right? It is critical right now. Well, not yet, but it's going to be, trust me, it's going to be, are we going to be that drag and, pull things down and make things worse. Or are we gonna be that courage Wolf? Are we going to be the best versions of ourselves? That's inspiring to me. Anyways, that's my talk for today. Hope you enjoyed it.